Over the past three years, I have taught kindergarten with the same colleague. We have two different styles of planning and implementing the curriculum, but we were able to work together by openly sharing ideas of what and how we were doing something without expecting the other to jump on board every time. Of course as colleagues, we have had to learn to adapt to each other's personality. My colleague is very outspoken about how she feels and what she wants. I don't like to "rock the boat" and just go with the flow. I am easily frustrated by my colleague's demands because sometimes I feel that they are selfish and unjustified. For example, this summer I was involuntarily moved to first grade because of student numbers. Therefore, my colleague was going to have a large number of kindergartners. She demanded from the principal that we switch rooms because my room had more physical space. In reality, she had almost as much space in her room, but it appeared less because she had more furniture. In the end, the principal and I gave in to her demands to avoid the conflict. The situation was further complicated because it fell upon my shoulders to switch the classrooms because my colleague was on vacation.
Did I use good conflict resolution strategies? Maybe. I heard her feelings and needs. I met them. However, my colleague did not hear my feelings or meet my needs because I kept them to myself, which made me feel more frustrated,unsatisfied, and resentful. To be effective at nonviolent communication, both individuals need to express their feelings, needs, and what they expect from each other. If the needs for each person can't be met at the same time, then a compromise needs to be worked out that will meet both individuals needs. I believe if I would have expressed what I was feeling and what I needed then I wouldn't have resented switching rooms. I would have wanted to do it to help my colleague, rather than doing it because it was demanded.
In summary, my conflict management strategies are: 1) openly share information and ideas ; 2) listen, clarify, and respond to others; 3) express clearly you feel and what you expect from others; 4) consider compromise.
My conflict is much like yours. I am glad to know I am not the only one experiencing these types of conflicts. We as kindergarten teachers are always doing a variety of creative projects. It can be hard to think our ideas are not valued! I am sorry you had to deal with it as well. It is hard when a colleague goes to the principal about something like this. Thank you for sharing honestly! I hope you are able to share how you are feeling more openly in the future. I know it is something I struggle with as well.
ReplyDeleteThere are times when I respond to others like you did not expressing my feelings and wants. I don't know why I do this, but I always feel bad afterwards having regrets that I did not voice my opinions, wants and feelings. I guess we need to work on this when it comes to conflict resoultion
ReplyDeleteMaggie,
ReplyDeleteYou and I sound very similar in our approach to conflict. I'd rather just give into any demands and move on from conflict than to voice my opinion and risk confrontation. I am sad that you had to move those rooms by yourself, that was completely unfair. I hope that you become more assertive and are able to stand up for yourself in the future. I'm sure that you are a phenomenal teacher and you deserve just as many perks as your bossy colleague has earned herself, simply by being demanding. Let me know if you have any ideas on how to improve this communication skill. I would love any suggestions, as I need to work on that area myself. Great post! Thanks for sharing.
Raina
Maggie,
ReplyDeleteBy nature as women we often times assume unnecessary problems because we are woven and designed to be nurturers and for the most part taught to go along with the flow. However, I have to challenge you and even myself when we do so and the end result is us being put in a compromising situation????? Is that good? And if so to who's benefit? I believe that we are learning the artful skill of communicating our beliefs while not losing the battle, a compromise in this situation would be ideal such as her helping you out, or seeing from your perspective. Thank you for being so open and sharing your personal experience!!
Tarsha